February 26, 2014

quote of the moment

"life turns on a dime.  sometimes toward us, but more often it spins away."

-- stephen king

February 17, 2014

"and then I found five dollars"

I'm an occasional editor for urban dictionary, I also subscribe to their "word of the day," (which, typical of them, isn't necessarilya "word") ... here's today's


Urban Word of the Day

February 17: and then I found five dollars


a phrase used at the end of a story that had really no point to be told to someone. used at the end of boring stories to make them seem more interesting and worthwhile.

"yesterday i went to the fridge and took out a yogurt but put it back and got an apple instead.
...and then i found 5 dollars."


keeping it here for prosperity. and you better believe this just made me 5% more obnoxious ... not that I need any help in THAT department.

February 15, 2014

Re: dam short film festival 10 -- horror: the monster inside

can a career counselor talk himself out of being tortured by a pro?  how 'bout two of 'em?

"welcome back to the party"
"this party is dead" can have multiple, and changing, meanings.

let me ask you this.  if YOU heard pets have been disappearing in local sewers, would YOU go down there?

best friend fakes an attack on skype.  where's that disconnection when you REALLY need it?

"maid of horror"
remember this: NEVER let your maid of honor plan your wedding.  and, for sure, don't give her your cell phone.

"edward the damned"
21st century version of "basket case."  BEYOND AWESOME!

a splinter when you're having sex could have deep implications.

dam short film festival 10 -- drama E: awkward moments

"the hard day knights"
a beatles cover band with a drunk ringo NEVER has a good ending.

"better off alone"
moral: don't change lightbulbs in stiletto heels.

"a new leaf"
cowboys, guns and organic foods don't mix.

"in the light of day"
interactions between friends when you're wrong about who you thought raped you.  my favorite of the set.

"pray me down"  sex at bible camp.  what would mary do?

"let's be civil, kenneth!"  thinly veiled misogynistic film.  not tasteful.

dam short film festival 10 -- drama D: the good and the bad

"mortal dilemma"
escaped prisoner and far-too-calm-while-in-danger men.  you KNOW the end won't be good.

"mi carazon"
car accident in a foreign jungle will test ALL your allegiances.

is it EVER a good idea to wear garish face paint and hold up a service station?  the answer is, "no."

daytime cat burglers inadvertently come across a pregnant woman...who screams...then things get MUCH worse.

"the spectator"
GREAT short.  cat burgler gets interrupted by a hit man who gets interrupted by his prey who is immediately interrupted by a jealous spouse...then things get complicated.

"the spectator"
GREAT short.  cat burgler gets interrupted by a hit man who gets interrupted by his prey who is immediately interrupted by a jealous spouse...then things get complicated

"der postbote"
minimalist german film.  a "thief" breaks into places just to take pix of himself cross-dressing.  turns out you can get a date this way.

if you join a gang by killing somebody, there will be associated problems.

"chambre double"
cheap french hotel + hookers ALWAYS = lots of death.

February 13, 2014

dam short film festival 10 -- boom! bang! pow!

"badass brock"
james bond meets mr. T in a wheel chair.

"jackpod" (sic)
charlie's angels go nipponese!

if you shoot 'em up in front of little girls, there's no telling WHO you'll turn out to be.

"crimson's kiss"
feels like a cross between "a boy and his dog" and an early draft of "death proof."  not good.

dam short film festival 10 -- international B: tricky relationships

"el lado frío de la almohada"
(E: "the cold side of the pillow").  there are chastity belts and then there are full-on suits of armor.

"will" fraternal twins -who hate each other- have a deadbeat father die...oldest gets everything...which is debt...but who IS oldest?

"mala fide"
someone is psychotic here.  and we're in germany.  it might be the director.

"A-WAY."  taiwanese film about an army reject working in a developmental needs office.  essentially a chinese version of my next door neighbors growing up, but far more thoughtful in message.

dam short film festival 10 -- epic tales

this block comprises a shorter number of longer films

"mama's boy"
minor leagues before jackie robinson.  weak in a number of ways.

high budget old west piece about an evil drifter who needs to turn another leaf.  doesn't quite work.  wilford brimley, though!

WINNER!  a great take on a pre-wicked witch oz story ... and dorothy has SILVER slippers, like the book!

drama A: surreal stories

if you wake up at might, and there's a giant bubble, it's probably a bad idea to investigate (cool bubble, though).

"no reprises" (E: don't breathe)
if you hold your breath waiting for a mermaid, you shouldn't overdo it.

"manfred and the waiting room"
don't let your pet eat your medicine.

"know remorse"
double death!  elevator that's actually a door!  investigator is also the elevator repairman!  with an extra zipper on his jumpsuit!

what if your local walmart could sell you bad andes music, that when you listened to it, would show people's inner most desire?

"the secret keeper"
GREAT flick about a woman who is a prostitute for secret storage.  superb acting!  my favorite of the block.

February 12, 2014

dam short film festival 10 -- dramedy: life is funny

"division azul" (E: blue division)
2 men's parachutes get stuck in the trees behind russian lines.  one's a "good" shot.  the other has attitude.

"gator farm"
dad with 2 hot daughter's loses his job and a gator is on the loose!  he DOES have a new 'stang though (AND a free spray tan). my favorite of the block.

"waiting for reneau"
the judge is ALWAYS late to the session...better not complain about it, though.

"bread and butter"
in oz you better not expect butter with your bread...when it's a restaurant policy.

"your cocoon and you"
metamorphosis meets star wars fans.  a human butterfly ensues.

"the last straw"
scarecrows duel it out in the cheesiest half animation short I've ever seen.  great for what it is.

dam short film festival 10: avante-garde song and dance

gorgeous animation that looks like pen on strathmore ... what if a baby is born with music notes flowing from its body?

"the black dahli ballet"
murder and dance.  would easily fit at the film noir festival.

memories past set to beethoven.

2 women's stories intercut: ballet dancer and hooker.  if the dancer falls, it's gonna be a bad night for the hooker.


"baby, is it warm in here?"  essentially a music video riff on "baby it's cold outside."  includes a roofie lyric.

"ouverture" was my favorite, but I voted for BIIWIH? because the director showed for Q&A.and said he did it on a $200 budget.  jared white, you're a genius.

dam short film festival 10. - international A: finding the right path

"deserted" how far will an israeli soldier go to advance in the military? no.  further than that.  my block favorite.

"espérame descalza" (wait for me barefoot).  there's a reason quiet guys are loners.

"the gift" an aussie family orders in a hooker for their son's 1st sexcapade, but the kid may teach the strongest lesson.

"je t'aime" I kid you not, finnish gay musical with priests.  lots of white dancing.  exactly as good/bad (you choose) as it sounds.

dam short 10th annual film festival reviews

(I have a lifetime pass to this festival.)

block documentary A: "pains and pleasures"

"the king of size" rochester body builder bursts both biceps, but continues through support from god.  strong start.

"american lawn"  director after the film put it best.  there are three hot and emotional topics with americans: abortion, gun control and lawns.

"75 pianos" one man decides to play all public pianos on display in boston.  this documentary is missing LOTS of backstory/human interest.

"of cows and men" organic milk farmer feels economic pressure, but selling cows isn't "easy," there's 25 years of planned genetics there.  great B&W.

"the last piano bar" slice of life of 'the alley,' the last remaining piano bar on grand (in oakland, CA?).

"past their prime" a short about coco, the 1st captive born gorilla, and for 20 years now, the oldest captive gorilla.  bonus: lots of rhino hide dust.  my block favorite.

in brief, this session featured a lot of earthy pianos and a lot of animals drooling.

February 03, 2014

quote of the moment

"when magic fails, it is NOT cool!"

-- fat paulie

noir city 12 -- day 7

jane russel wears a see-through blouse and meets robert mitchum in william bendix's panty hose suitcase as kung fu's master han throws knives!  shocking! 
fred mac murray a pearl smuggler?  you bet!  but he's got BIG girlfriend-with-amnesia problems. 
"the shanghai gesture"
  whitey ona manson plays full on chinee (sic) overlordess ("mother gin sling").  you think walter huston's child is john...you're wrong!
{and we're shown martin scorsese's personal print!  awesome-o!}

noir city 12 -- day 6

"two men in manhattan"
practically a travel log of 50s NY.  sleezy journalist.  drunken photographer.  dead UN officials.  tits. spectacular.
out of the joint to pull one last heist...but goddammit, you've gotta watch those italians!