Least comforting headline of the moment

Federal Officials Find No Live Bird Flu Virus in Initial Milk Tests

--NYT 

Quote of the moment

So in cannabis, you go to the store and they say, 'this is Bubba Kush. And that's the biggest piece of bullshit I've ever heard in my life. Cause that name means absolutely nothing.

--Sean Myles

Tryin' a little too hard quote of the moment

How does one use words to describe a festival designed to leave you speechless? Well, since we are highly paid professionals here, we'll give it a try: Electric Daisy Carnival, the world's largest electronic dance music festival, is so full of eye-slappin,' earhole-blasting whiz-banger-y, it's like waterboarding your senses in Red Bull and/or outfitting your adrenal gland with a booster rocket and launching that bad boy to the moon — but only if the moon were, in fact, a giant glowing subwoofer.

--Jason Bracelin

Quote of the moment

The 21st century, to be honest, sucks.

--Sam Anderson 

Imponderable headline of the moment

What happens to Cup Noodle Mystery Meat when you cook it in a rice cooker?

--soranews24.com

Creaky quote of the moment

We're old guys. We deserve to be allowed to do whatever we want to do.

--John Oates

Clarifying terms quote of the moment

Nearby is "what appears to be an enormous stylized phallus," meaning penis.

--Patrick Smith

Guess the century headline of the moment

Harvard Will Require Test Scores for Admission

--NYT

Vacancy quote of the moment

Look, I'm not for everyone anymore. I'm just not. And if you want to come and scream and yell and get drunk, don't come to my show.

--John Mellencamp

Must read of the moment

https://www.cracked.com/article_41748_how-waffle-house-became-americas-premier-fighting-game-stage.html