Quadruple negative quote of the moment

As a rule, I do not have sex while not sober, or with persons who are not sober—no judgment toward those who negotiate to do so, but we had not discussed it.

-"ParTy's Over"

Quote of the moment

But the dream of class mobility dissipates when society locks down, the economy stalls, the death count mounts and everyone's future is frozen inside their own crowded apartment or palatial mansion.

--Amanda Hess

_Your_Joke_Goes_Here_ headline of the moment

Uranus Ejected a Giant Plasma Bubble During Voyager 2's Visit

--NYT

You don't see me living there headline of the moment

Here's Why Californians Are Getting Reamed At The Gas Pump Despite Rock-Bottom Oil Prices

--dailycaller.com

6' headline of the moment

The World Could Be Running Out of Condoms Because of Pandemic

--bloomberg.com

Immediate quote of the moment

On Wednesday, TSA agents screened 239,234 individuals; the same day a year ago, that number was 2,273,811.

--Chris McGinnis

Headline of the moment

US Residents Watch As Asteroid Hits Earth And Creates Bright Fireball Event

--ibtimes.com

I'm not that desperate headline of the moment

The Best Movies to Watch Right Now, According to the GQ Editor

--GQ

(Note: no black and white films listed. Because, honestly, what's interesting about a world before computers. )

Thinking like a three year old quote of the moment!

There's so much to touch and grab at the grocery store – shopping carts, freezer door handles, cardboard boxes and plastic packaging.

--BRENT SCHROTENBOER

Not exactly the wording I'd use in this headline of the moment

Millennials: This Market Crash Is Your Opportunity to Make a Million

--yahoo.com

Headline of the moment

Coyotes are being seen on the empty streets of San Francisco

--sfgate.com

Paragraphs of the moment

There's nothing unusual about an $18 to $20 gourmet pizza from an upscale wine bar. But there's definitely something unusual about passing off a $2 to $2.50 frozen pizza from Costco as an $18 to $20 gourmet pizza from an upscale wine bar.

--Irene Jiang

Kiss my abs, you Feds headline of the moment

The FBI says now is a great time to download its home fitness app

--mashable.com

The Easter bunny certainly IS real headline of the moment

Trump says he wants the country 'opened up and just raring to go by Easter,' despite health experts' warnings

--cnn.com

<ed: it's possible that headline,  right there, may curtail my headline regurgitation. Thank you, CNN for having me reconsider how I live my life. >

I haven't had quite enough Armageddon yet this AM headline of the moment

What Might Happen if the Yellowstone Caldera Supervolcano Erupts

--techeblog.com

We don't need no stinking Alfonso Bedoya website quote of the moment

Moviefone was bought at auction last week by "Born In Cleveland LLC," a company without a website, for $1,075,000 according to court documents.

--Jordan Valinsky

Possible story beginning partial quote of the moment

"On the very first day of this accursed year..."

--Robin Andrews

Overly graphic headline of the moment

My Partner Offered a Certain Sex Act to Do the Taxes—Then Backed Out

--slate.com

Must read interview

Best interview I've seen about the Cv. If you're reading this,  you must read...

https://news.yahoo.com/coronavirus-ever-away-heres-one-094824995.html 

Quote of the moment

Economic data in the near future will be not just bad, but unrecognizable.

--James Sweeney

Quote of the moment

"I don't think that anybody should second guess the government's actions. This has been moving very quickly and I think we've responded appropriately."

--Steve Mnuchin

Alliterative quote of the moment

In real estate, <Donald Trump> found he could overcome crises by bluffing his way past regulators, bullying the bankers and bamboozling the tabloids.

--NYT

Partial quote of the moment

...you can't brag or bluster your way out of people dying.

--Michael D'Antonio

Sic quote of the moment

Motley Crue's Tommy Lee's Wife Says All We Need Is Masturbate In These Quarantine Days

--metalcastle.com

Quote of the moment

We're at peak uncertainty.

--JJ Miller, president Miller Samuel Real Estate Appraisers and Consultants

Headline of the moment

Donald Trump starts 2020 in the worst polling position since Harry Truman

--cnn.com

Quote of the moment

Your risk of mortality increases every day that you spend on a ventilator. 

--LA respiratory therapist

Quote of the moment

With all the coronavirus patients, we've had to restrain them. They really hyperventilate, really struggle to breathe.

--LA respiratory therapist

Quote of the moment

...we should remember that the novel coronavirus is very contagious (an infected person will infect 2 to 2.5 others on average, versus about 1.3 others with the flu), and there is evidence that people who have only mild symptoms or no symptoms at all are helping spread the disease.

--Dylan Scott

Box cutters threatening AGAIN headline of the moment

When Stocking Grocery Shelves Turns Dangerous

--NYT

Amazon Stop quote of the moment

"Workers in food stores are the ones keeping this nation from going into civil unrest, because if there is no one working in the stores, we are in trouble."

--John Niccollai

While Jesus is just hanging out headline of the moment

A bearish 'death cross' has appeared in the Dow's chart

--marketwatch.com

Pancreatic quote of the moment

Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick.

--Steve Jobs

That's one approach, I guess headline of the moment

Let the Cruise Lines Sink

--National Review

Impossible headline of the moment

US could see lowest gas prices in history: Analyst

--and we expect so much from foxbusniess.com

(Comparison https://images.app.goo.gl/HdQS4SoGv7QcPLxS9... don't talk to me about inflation)

One hand clapping headline of the moment

During a pandemic, what does being the world's happiest country mean?

--cnn.com

Friend quote of the moment

As a good friend used to say, the risks of not eating still outweigh the risks of eating.

--Dan Schaffner

Mismatched pic and wording of the moment

Emotional dysregulation screenshot snippet of the moment

Looking for someone to boycott? headline of the moment

GameStop Instructs Employees to Ignore Law Enforcement And Not Shut Down

--vice.com

Good thing you weren't cooking a turkey headline of the moment

In the Time it Takes to Boil Instant Rice, Cirque du Soleil's CEO Fired Thousands of Employees via Bizarre Video

--jezebel.com

Prescient headline of the moment

Coronavirus will change the grocery industry forever

--cnn.com

The question isn't really "how" headline of the moment

How Crispy Cajun Pig Head Is Made by New Orleans Chefs

--eater.com

Burden your ghost headline of the moment

Dear Abby: I can't forgive my boyfriend for the way he died

I guess the chinchilla has to go headline of the moment

I Get a Bizarre Infection Every Time I Have Sex With My Boyfriend

--slate.com

Headline of the moment

Is $1 trillion enough to stop a recession?

--cnn.com

Or maybe they could turn into Magic Fairies headline of the moment

Ryanair Could Ground All Flights

--simpleflying.com

Duuuude headline of the moment

Amid Coronavirus, San Francisco, New York, Deem Marijuana Businesses 'Essential'

--NPR.org

Overly optimistic quote of the moment?

 It could be weeks or months before [a restaurant owner] reopens, assuming things ever get back to normal.

--David Ingram

'Everythis out of our control': San Francisco eases into lockdown

No hand sanitizer needed headline of the moment

"Las Vegas strip club to offer drive-thru peep shows"

--LVRJ

Apparently the government doesn't realize the casinos are closed headline of the moment

Pelosi looks to lay down marker on next stimulus plan

--politico.com

So that's how solder is made headline of the moment

In a Time of Crisis, a Panicked Nation Comes Together to Watch Nu-Metal Band Trapt Melt Down on Twitter

--slate.com

Maybe it's that donut in your hand headline of the moment

'I'm Working Out But Not Losing Weight; What's Wrong?'

--vice.com

As opposed to the other kind headline of the moment

Atypical Anorexia Is Real — And Dangerous

--yahoo.com

Pre-history Sesame Street headline of the moment

'Wonderchicken' fossil from the age of dinosaurs reveals origin of modern birds

--phys.org

Relative difficulty quote of the moment

"Your grandparents were called to war. You're being called to sit on your couch. You can do this."

--unknown

But we're just trying to solve the OK boomer problem headline of the moment

Trump and health officials caution young people to 'heed the advice' on coronavirus

--cnn.com

Crack smoking headline of the moment

Oil prices could fall below zero: Analyst

--foxbusiness.com

{Reader tip: If you ever go to a gas station and the attendant asks you to roll up all windows on your car but one, pull away. }

Quote of the moment

I put it in a thing and I bring out all the bad stuff. And I serve it up to everyone so that they'll give me attention. And it poisons everyone, so they only listen to it when they're in fucked-up places—and it's a good sign when they stop listening to me, because that means that they're not hurting themselves on purpose.

--Fiona Apple

Histrionic headline of the moment

Virus confronts leaders with one of modern history's gravest challenges

--cnn.com

But Santa, I was expecting a BETTER present headline of the moment

What you're seeing right now is the past, so your brain is predicting the present

--theconversation.com

Dad voice quote of the moment

You're being told not to go out.

--Steve Sisolak

Allllmost dog and pony headline of the moment

Arnold Schwarzenegger shared a warning about social distancing while spending time with his miniature donkey and pony

--insider.com

As compared to... headline of the moment

Black Sabbath's Ozzy Osbourne Looks Bad In His Last Photo

--metalcastle.net

Slapping at arm's length headline of the moment

San Franciscans Brawl Over Social Distance at Local Grocery Store

--sf.eater.com

Bezos knows headline of the moment

Amazon knows you're ordering toilet paper in bulk. It's trying to stock more essentials.

--cnn.com

Psychedelic partial quote of the moment

"...state and local officials are giving orders for an altered American reality ..."

--cnn.com

Fearing the bear screenshot of the moment

Incorrect headline of the moment

"Visitors pack beach despite coronavirus warnings"

--cnn.com

Should be, "...because of..."

Emergency essentials observational quote of the moment

Chicken. They all want chicken. And toilet paper.

--Bernadette Melvin

Quote of the moment

Mayhem has descended upon global financial markets

--Matt Egan

Battling headline feeds of the moment

I know what you are but what am I headline of the moment

'Take That, You Bunch of Losers!': Tempers Fray in San Francisco Supermarket

--yahoo.com

Better get the tank headline of the moment

The Fed just broke out 4 big weapons to fight the coronavirus crisis

--cnn.com

Existential question of the moment

Is it really Monday if you never leave the house?

--digg

Datum of the moment

Walmart gets more than half its U.S. revenue from grocery sales. 

--Rueters

Sluice through the dope for the nugget quote of the moment

Inside the word 'emergency' is 'emerge'; from an emergency new things come forth. The old certainties are crumbling fast, but danger and possibility are sisters.

--Rebecca Solnit

Viral free Disney guarantee headline of the moment

Disney Parks Are Closing, But Online Ride-Throughs Remain Open and Excellent

--jezebel.com

Yes, someone was paid to write this headline of the moment

This pandemic risks bringing out the worst in humanity

--cnn.com

Out there headline of the moment

Astronomers discover scorching hot planet where it rains liquid iron

--CBSnews.com

Quote of the moment

This is a terrible event that's occurring.

--Warren Buffett 

Quote of the moment

Maybe it will be the hand sanitizer that finally exposes the sham.

--Dan Kois

Car on street

SF, CA

Quote of the moment

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends that people who are 60 and older [...] stay at home as much as possible.

--Kyle Feldscher

Outside Bill's Brain headline of the moment

Bill Gates steps down from Microsoft, Berkshire boards

--USAtoday.com

Frenzied quote of the moment

Chocolate hummus is the canary in the coal mine. If you see it selling out, it's time to start fleeing into the woods.

--Aaron Mak

_Your_Rude_Comment_Goes_Here_ headline of the moment

Student suspended from school for selling 'squirts' of hand sanitizer to classmates

--usatoday.com

View of the news today

Non sequitur headline of the moment

Tom Hanks Got Sick in Australia, Where Coronavirus Testing Isn't Such a Hassle

--NYT

Parenthetical of the moment

(Garry Winogrand left behind 2500 rolls of undeveloped film when he died, and another 6500 which he'd developed but hadn't had a chance to look at.)

--Jim Lewis

Important quote of the moment

I'll be making some decisions. I've already made some decisions, actually, today, but I'll be making some other ones that are very important.

--Donald Trump

Un-scared quote of the moment

Remember, too, that quarantine is not the zombie apocalypse, and society will not experience a complete and utter breakdown.

--Elizabeth Heath

Today's battle of the B-u-f-f-e-t headlines

Quote of the moment

I'm not even really a Democrat, I just vote not-Republican. Democrats are like condoms to me. I mean, I'll use them because it's safer, I guess. But it doesn't feel good.

--Michael Che

Datum of the moment

Farmers are the most likely American occupation to die by suicide.

--Center for Disease Control

I'm looking BEYOND you two, Barry Manilow and Alice Cooper quote of the moment

CNOES identified the incoming asteroid as 52768 (1998 OR2). As noted by the agency, this asteroid is currently moving at a speed of almost 20,000 miles per hour. It has an estimated diameter of 4.1 kilometers, which is equivalent to 13,451 feet. This makes the asteroid longer than the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

--Inigo Monzon

Rage rag quote of the moment

Essentially, when you look at cells in the circuitry of the brain, every reactivity is simply a group of cells performing their function. From the moment you have the thought that there's a threat and that circuit of fear gets triggered, it will stimulate the emotional circuitry related to it, which is the fight or flight reaction. That will trigger a physiological dump-age of nor-epinephrine or anger into the blood stream. It will flush through you and flush out of you in less than 90 seconds. From the moment you think the thought that triggers that whole cascade of events to the chemical being flushed out of you completely, takes less than 90 seconds. Next time you feel yourself triggered, look at the second hand on a watch. As soon as you look at it, you're now observing yourself having this physiological response instead of engaging with it. It will take less than 90 seconds, and you will feel better. Of course, you can always go back to thinking those thoughts that re-stimulate the loop. There's probably a thought somewhere in your brain of somebody who did you wrong 20 years ago. Every time you think of that person it still starts that circuit.

--Jill Bolte Taylor

Quote of the moment

Celebrity necromancy has no limitation.

--MBA Ninja

Quote of the moment

I'm pretty sure that people are saying they are keeping a bottle of Tito's Vodka on their desk as a coronavirus hand sanitizer when they really just want to have a bottle of vodka at their desk so they can drink it.

--paulsacca (sic)

Quote of the moment

Moderation is a dream killer. 

--Jesse Sharkey

Balancing headline of the moment

As coronavirus infections spread, demand for oat milk is outpacing hand sanitizer

--marketwatch.com

So THAT'S where I can find them headline of the moment

Graveyards can be a reservoir for antibiotic resistant bacteria

--phys.org

Quote of the moment

Being able to buy something is pretty damn important to a lot of people who can't afford it.

--Justin Farrell

Typical 8 year old headline of the moment

Your favorite childhood cereals, ranked by sugar

--cnn.com

Things can only get better headline of the moment

Coronavirus quarantine hotel in China collapses, trapping dozens

--theguardian.com

Numbing headline of the moment

F.D.A. Bans School Electric Shock Devices

--NYT.com

When cosmetics don't work quite right headline of the moment

Mary Kay Letourneau Is 'Feeling Kind of Lost' After Split From Husband She Once Sexually Abused

--people.com

I hope they know how to fix it headline of the moment

Scientists break Google's quantum algorithm

--Phys.org

Quote of the moment

President Donald Trump has an odd habit of confirming critics' worst fears about him by just blurting out his inner feelings.

--Cody Fenwick

Sequencing quote of the moment

 This isn't the first time Wendy's has tried this before.

--Joey Morona

(ed: A name I did not make up. )

Quote of the moment

Trump administration coronavirus coordinator Deborah Birx told reporters Wednesday that data from Italy show the median age of virus sufferers is 60 and the median age of those who die is 81. Trump is 73.

--Steven Nelson

Quote of the moment

I haven't touched my face in weeks. It's been weeks. I miss it.

--Donald Trump

Risky quote of the moment

If you have concerns about what may happen traveling to your destination, that isn't insurable. Because underwriters are pricing risk. They can't price the risk of fear.

--Stan Sandberg

Great fricken question headline of the moment

Why didn't Elizabeth Warren do better?

--cnn.com

What the word that comes after 'the' really means quote of the moment

I'd be really bummed if [this is] the beginning of the end, because I've got a lot of things I'm working on.

--Waris Ahluwalia

Take her to the tower! Headline of the moment

Meghan Markle is Playing a 'Dangerous Game' and the Royal Family 'Will Only Take So Much,' Senior Royal Advisor Claims

--cheatsheet.com

The sound of one hand clapping headline of the moment

What Happens in Vegas if No One Stays in Vegas?

--nyt.com

You'd want quarantine too headline of the moment

Coronavirus: Student in quarantine after classmates shook hands with Mike Pence

--independent.co.uk

"Statistics at work" quote of the moment

If you give all those taking the SAT 1000 points for filling in their names correctly, SAT scores will rise dramatically.

--Jonah Goldberg

Quote of the moment

On Sunday night, students and members of the greater State College, Pennsylvania community gathered in front of their shuttered Taco Bell to pay their final respects to a local institution. The event was organized on Facebook by Penn State University senior Prajesh Patel, who promised that there would be "special appearances by the Nittanyville trophy and Taco Bell staff" and who, according to student newspaper The Collegian, led the vigil through its moments of grief and reflection while dressed as a giant taco.

--Allison Robicelli

Surprisingly unnecessary headline of the moment

Stop shoving potatoes up your butt, doctors warn

--thetakeout.com

Makes the evening easier headline of the moment

Coronavirus causes prom dress shortage in Las Vegas

--fox5vegas.com

Self fulfilling headline of the moment

Why the Success of The New York Times May Be Bad News for Journalism

--NYT.com

Mounting pressure headline of the moment

Vegan mother 'humiliated' by KFC staff who served her chicken and then 'laughed at her'

--yahoo.com

Datum of the moment

Each person with the coronavirus appears to infect 2.2 other people, on average.

--NYT

Datum of the moment

On average, seasonal flu strains kill about 0.1 percent of people who become infected.

--NYT

Quote of the moment

For the first time ever, every single Disney park in Asia is now closed.

--Ken Storey