haiku of the moment

you know, ms. pacman,
i get filled with excitment
when ghosts kill your ass

haiku of the moment

ms. pacman's a girl
she pretends to entertain
but just eats money

haiku of the moment

nice bow, ms. pacman
now why don't you go chompin'
back to the briars

haiku of the moment

dearest ms. pacman,
your beauty mark is a mole.
hope you get cancer.

haiku of the moment

ms. pacman machine
a "20 years" edition
goddamn little bitch

haiku of the moment

2 people talking
but the level is "screaming"
yes, i can hear you

haiku of the moment

press me right on down
until i squish like a bug
ain't gonna happen

haiku of the moment

say you're a tire
and your brain is the tread
what is a pot hole?

haiku of the moment

all the world is dark
but only certain parts know
the rest just ignore

haiku of the moment

clouds float with ripples
hinting at a disturbance
in the things you know

clouds -- san jose

haiku of the moment

only one away
from all the earth hating me
where's a phone, "hi, mom?"

quote of the moment

"i don't want to understand."

-- lithuanian national speaking over the internet when being explained a
technical nuance of r.t.f.

haiku of the moment

i feel full of life
when i hear great live music
and dead when it's bad

morris day & the time -- concord

radiohead -- berkeley

radiohead -- berkeley

bart ceiling -- berkeley

shot *very* quickly on the escalator and from the waist.

haiku of the moment

best trait of water --
you can thoroughly brush teeth
and still have a drink

haiku of the moment

a long work day ends
i make a topless drive home
open furnace door

haiku of the moment

heat of the summer
makes my brain a gooey mush
don't stop 'til i'm dead

fireworks' three hard and fast rules:

1. use a hard surface.

2. light fuse.

3. get away.


having said that, here's what happens when you don't:

http://www.coloradocs.com/Downloads/rocketlauncher.wmv

THE PHOTO THAT IS GUARANTEED TO MAKE WOMEN SWOON

seriously, this is heavy-duty stuff.

this is my brother and me at my grandparents' union pacific house in rawlins, wyoming. (as an aside, the house has since been scraped and no longer exists -- reduced to the cinder ashes of the industry that helped build it.) the photo was taken on a brownie-look-down-reflector camera mere months before i wrote my first haiku. i'm 8, and on the right; b1-67er is on the left and the tender age of 5.

this is easily my favorite photo from my childhood, and has that rare trait of being a tiny glimpse into the personalities of the two rawhides being shot. (then again, if you exclude class photographs, i'm pretty sure there are less than three dozen pictures that were taken of me before i turned 18 -- it's not up against much competition.)

enjoy.

quote of the moment

Trying to eliminate Saddam, extending the ground war into an occupation of Iraq, would have violated our guideline about not changing objectives midstream, engaging in "mission creep," and would have incurred incalculable human and political costs. Apprehending him was probably impossible. We had been unable to find Noriega in Panama, which we knew intimately. We would have been forced to occupy Baghdad and, in effect, rule Iraq. The coalition would instantly have collapsed, the Arabs deserting it in anger and other allies pulling out as well. Under those circumstances, there was no viable "exit strategy" we could see, violating another of our principles. Furthermore, we had been self-consciously trying to set a pattern for handling aggression in the post-Cold War world. Going in and occupying Iraq, thus unilaterally exceeding the United Nations' mandate, would have destroyed the precedent of international response to aggression that we hoped to establish. Had we gone the invasion route, the United States could conceivably still be an occupying power in a bitterly hostile land. It would have been a dramatically different - and perhaps barren - outcome.

-- excerpt from A World Transformed written in 1998 by George Bush and Brent Scowcroft

and you thought you had a bad day ...

this in from my brother.

as background, he essentially is little buddha. nothing bothers him outwardly, nothing disturbs him. he's spent nearly all of his life living in psychological maelstroms, some of them by his own choosing.

once when we were kids i held him down and began very lightly tapping on his sternum. i wanted him to admit/confess/say/lie about something that i don't remember now. what i do remember is i sat and tapped, very lightly, for something like half an hour. i tapped long enough that my hand swelled and my knuckles bled. i finally stopped.

he had beaten me with the very ultimate in passive resistance and using the force of your opponents against them. he was probably 7 years old, give or take.

as an adult, really, he's only gotten more so. his definition of tourture is, "anything that provides discomfort without giving you any hint as to when it's going to end."

which should set the stage for this -- a problem tooth he had suddenly erupt over the weekend.

***

Had that wisdom tooth pulled. It turns out that essentially you can't numb an infected nerve.

This was easily the most painful medical procedure I've ever had done. I was crying before I even knew I was crying. It was terrible.

{...}

I was writhing in the chair and making guttural noises.

The only composure I was able to keep was not bolting for the door, or beating the dentist senseless with pliers. It was terrible. I am still shaking a bit.

the haiku the captain doesn't want you to see ...

as you know, captain hops over at the beer haiku daily (www.beerhaikudaily.com) had a contest for submitting haiku for his one year anniversary. i banged out 13 in the middle of a rock concert and sent 'em along. and?

i win. picked out of a keg by what is almost certainly the son of an alcoholic (OH THE IRONY). for a prize, and i swear this is true, the captain is donating us$20 in the name of the Kingdom of Finnmark (they can't do that crazy umlaut thing in their font set) to the american cancer society. (my choice. why? short version: because aids deaths are out researched spent 100-to-1 to cancer deaths, and that's just wrong.)

so cool. so great. like the captain.

the captain went on to tell me that about 60% of his contest entries came from either you folks (super thanks to you all) or knitters (indirectly my fault).

but what the captain hasn't done, the swine, is publish my haiku. well, i got news for you, cap.

1. i hold the copyright on what i wrote, you bottle licker.

2. my dad had a nasty habit of drinking and driving, as a result, we had a lawyer on retainer to deal with legal systems. this all happened at a very young and impressionable age, which is to say, i learned a lot. i've already backed down one of the world's largest publishers, let me know if and when you want me to unleash the dogs of barbarity.

3. the voices are telling me that it really really needs to be published.


so here it is, the haiku the captain doesn't want you to see:


so we're one year deep
in a vat of beer haiku
will i hit bottom?


beer is a lifestyle ...
and a literary form ...
what was i saying?


i question the rank
of the man we call "captain"
whose icon is land


with a stein in hand
the cap'n judged haikuists
but then sobered up


it has been one month
since haiku daily started
seems like a whole year


if i had a son
i'd make him like the captain
or somebody else


i've learned more of beer
from the beer haiku daily
than from skid row drunks


the ship is sinking
beer or the captain must go
how well do you swim?


choka hall of famer
but that award was before
the breathalyzer


my browser's foaming
thanks to beer haiku daily
wait, that's a porn site


beer haiku daily
needs to go more commercial
show me the cute babes


congratulations
on making it one whole year
the judge will be proud


of haiku poets
the captain is a favorite
god, please save my soul


guess we know who the rear admiral is now, don't we captain?

haiku of the moment

as a kid you think
"things will make sense when i grow"
WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG

sign -- san francisco

something closely related to moss roses -- san francisco

sea lavender -- san francisco

love in the mist -- san francisco

haiku of the moment

i don't have a dad
and i will never be one
happy father's day

haiku of the moment

let this be the day
think through a big decision
do the opposite

haiku of the moment

i don't want to work
i just want to be eating
and then have dessert

haiku of the moment

you are the youngest
you're ever going to be
this very second

haiku of the moment

choose any language
to speak your entire life
except for that one

haiku of the moment

paint a car bumper
in something like a matte black
wonder why you did

haiku of the moment

give me a cycloid
let me look at it awhile
now wheel it away

haiku of the moment

a downward spiral
that is actually flat
is known by what name?

haiku of the moment

very smart children
are much more interesting
than when they're older

haiku of the moment

imagine a world
exactly like this one here
but with no donuts

haiku of the moment

blonde vixen needed:
nude, in a full length mink coat ...
like that would happen

haiku of the moment

if you can't get there
you can't get to anywhere
no use worrying

haiku of the moment

i want to travel:
cuba, iceland, africa
and someplace that's fun

haiku of the moment

i think that all laws
should be written as haiku
for brevity's sake

haiku of the moment

pick a number
between one and twenty
now pick again

haiku of the moment

is it obvious
that i had a mountain dew
right before bedtime?

kingfeddy haiku

gimme a skateboard
a big old studebaker
and devo tickets

haiku of the moment

for sara's baby
god sends an auspicious sign
big meteorite

haiku of the moment

note to suttonhoo:
time for you to get divorced
and come marry me

haiku of the moment

at the worst of times
the glowing of a hiptop
my beacon of hope

haiku of the moment

alien eye view:
earth seems like a superb place
too many colors

haiku of the moment

car well out of place
interstate three wheel driving
robin reliant

haiku of the moment

movement in shadow
leaving a swirling of black
feral cat scampers

ravens at daybreak -- santa clara

haiku of the moment

too hot in the day
a little too cool at night
gotta love summer

haiku of the moment

earwig on ceiling
winds its way through bumpy maze
how do you do that?

kingfeddy haiku

let's head out for lunch
go to the taco bravo
talk about skating

haiku of the moment

hum of the evening
a rust colored dragon fly
simple summer joys

haiku of the moment

just a reminder
that a powerful world lurks
small morning eathquake

the captain needs mates!

dudes and babes,

if you read me at all, you know i'm a huge fan of captain hops and the beer haiku daily. well he's coming up on one year and is having a haiku contest (you get a beer) to celebrate.

i don't care who you are, i don't care what you do, i don't care if you've never written a single damn haiku in your life ... go over there, right now and write the captain a haiku. he helped judge the haiku slugfest, is in the choka hall of fame, and has nothing but good humor about him. the world could only use about 10,000 more people of his type and he needs your support.

i'm serious. if you have enough time to read this drivel, you've got enough to bang out a triplet for the captain. 5-7-5. use his crazy form or email to beerhaiku-AT-gmail-DOT-com.

here's one to prime you:

everyone needs love
those that drink, more than others
help out the captain

thanks.

thought of the moment

i've never known a woman named "molly" who wasn't smart, beautiful and
blonde.

i never known a man named "dick" who wasn't a world class penis.

haiku of the moment

give me a reason
now give me an open road
and hand me a key

haiku of the moment

seedy and stringy
tasting like sour noodles
my seaweed salad

haiku of the moment

the blustering sky
continuously hints rain
promise unfulfilled

red trumpet vine -- san jose

semi-feral rose -- san jose

purl, could use your help

super-great to see you on saturday. it was really really niiiice to see
you laugh -- i got the impression you haven't been doing enough of that
lately.

i forgot to tell you, i could use your help -- as little or as much as
you can provide. after my book gets done (the author review finishes
next monday), i am going to develop a poker column.

it occurs to me i can do 1 of 2 things with it: self syndicate (it's
foolish for me to sell it to a syndicate because i'd get a fraction of
the money and it's not THAT much more work); or just set up a site,
publish there, and make money off the ads, not the columns.

i'm VERY interested in any opinions you might have regarding this, as
well as any research you've done in the past (or want to do now) as to
the best way to go. i know that some of these poker site folks are
getting as much as $30k/ placement, BUT it seems like a bad idea for me
to take ads from companies that are competitive to mine.

any help you can provide is appreciated.

overheard conversation snippet of the moment

" ... and with patience, you can get four eggs in there."

-- two white guys, walking down the street, atlanta

3 of c

clouds -- campbell

office building -- campbell

haiku of the moment

crowd stands as i sit
it's an interesting view
and about half good

haiku of the moment

blogger, i like you ...
but returned poems disturb
i know where you live

haiku of the moment

goth band broods on stage
plays a dark and haunting rhythm
tells crowd to be "gentle"

haiku of the moment

woman cares for son
gingerly pats his shoulders
and styles his mohawk

nordstrom's -- san francisco

haiku of the moment

"it's just white and cold"
people say that of the north
they don't know sara

haiku of the moment

broken down auto
pink cadillac with surf boards
woman on cell phone

kingfeddy's favorite dinner

3 cheese enchiladas, la morenita, palo alto

haiku of the moment

you made me wonder
will it go 'round in circles?
bye billy preston

kingfeddy haiku

i don't understand
why the world is so simple
yet people so dumb

bart hiway cones -- san francisco

haiku of the moment

which do you prefer:
large fistfuls of broken dreams
or no dreams at all?

haiku of the moment

what it is to think ...
of all the quenching money
poured in the desert

kingfeddy haiku

talks like a surfer
smarter than a computer
all hail king feddy

table candle -- las vegas

over-exposed raspberry napolean -- las vegas

kingfeddy: aftermath

fight's over. some tiny australian beat the hell out of some tiny mexican with a fat flag waver in his entourage.

very anticlimatic in all. everything too "small," the main card missing just a little too obvious. no gigantic shows of excess.

the card girls between rounds were decidedly entertaining. strut, strut, strut. stand on one leg and show card. now stand on the other leg. strut, strut, strut. the largely hispanic audience howled at the big breasts and dark haired women -- laughed mercilessly at the small chested blondes. all in all, probably the high point of the day.

wish you were here, kingfeddy.

kingfeddy: the fight that is the bust

very clearly this is a money loser. the portly castillo has cost the
state of nevada, the city of las vegas and caesar's palace a
considerable amount of money.

the barkers are trying to sell programs "half price." to what end?

you can see the news announcers standing around, making excuses,
pondering on the things that they actually know nothing about (as if
that's new), and acting as though the undercards are more important than
they actually are.

whatever. it's free.

thanks, darlene.

kingfeddy: first fight over

it lasted, maybe, 2 minutes tops. essentially one mean and small guy
pummelled the bejesus out of another guy who, i'm sure, was tough in his
neighborhood. unfortunately he clearly came from a small neighborhood.

kingfeddy: in the arena

i'm holding a ticket: section 102, row u, seat 20. face value: us$100.
it's essentially far back in the lower dish of a two tier arena.

i don't know, but suspect, that the tickets were printed
pre-cancellation.

kingfeddy: empty boxing ring, thomas and mack center, las vegas

neon -- las vegas

kingfeddy: thomas and mack center, las vegas

quote of the moment

"shorts
20% off"

-- sign at "al phillips the cleaner," las vegas

kingfeddy: so it begins

{feddy: only *you* would be so egocentric as to want your name in the
titles. let's see, you have a net worth of multi-millions, a wife that
people would commit class 1 felonies for, children that are gentically
predisposed to greatness, and a 6-figure job that you don't actually
have to show up for. and you're worried about be offed by neon
photographs. so be it, all get the "kingfeddy" listing.}

on the shuttle. they've intentionally cut back on the shuttle service
because of the main card cancellation. we've heard, although not from
anyone that appears to have their mental water running deep, that the
undercards still have started at 15:45.

it's 104 degrees and the diesel is idling as the self-proclaimed sharp
trade "humorous" comments. it's important to always, always remember:
these are people who play casino games with an inherent house edge.

and we're off.

carpet -- las vegas

haiku of the moment

if i were neon
in an incandescent world ...
wait a sec, i am

haiku of the moment

give me a planet
where it is dark all the time
all light is neon

kingfeddy: main event cancelled!

castillo misses his weight (4.5 pounds over), and the main card has been cancelled. the undercards will still spar, and i will be there.

neon -- las vegas

neon -- las vegas

hoppy's transmission service sign -- las vegas

neon -- las vegas

zebra painted on wall, sans light correction -- las vegas

quote of the moment

"i'm at the fuckin' taco stand!"

-- overly beautiful asian woman, bellowing into a cell phone, las vegas

sunset -- las vegas

conceptual miniature golf hole -- las vegas

clark county government building interior -- las vegas

clark county government building -- las vegas

clark county government building -- las vegas

clark county government center -- las vegas

boxing pre-lim for feddy

this from a propaganda flyer from the flamingo

"corrales vs. castillo iii

welcome to the flamingo las vegas and the weekend you will never forget
as the wbc lightweight champion diego "chico" corrales vs. former
two-time wbc lightweight champion jose luis castillo.

known as the world's most talented lightweights, these two talented me
will battle in the ring for the third time to finally settle the score.
each fighter has defeated the other once. this time they will com
together to find out who the true champion is."

undercards start at 15:45. televised starts at 18:00. the main event
immediately follows the first televised event.

feddy, leave a comment here that you've seen this. otherwise i will
call and pester you. neither of us want that.

ceiling lighting, flamingo ballroom -- las vegas

haiku of the moment

after a long month
it's time to return to roots
welcome back haiku