Me and Norway (Part I)
My dad was in the oil business and when I was a teenager he applied to be the Vice President of North Sea Exploration for some gigantic oil company. The job was headquartered in Norway and, in an uncharacteristic move, he bounced the idea of relocating off the family. (He was fully capable of doing something like informing us of the move two months after it happened.)
This being in that primitive-shh-let's-not-talk-about-it time before the Internet, I naturally went straight for the World Book Encyclopedia to read up.
I remember the article going something like this:
Norway is blah blah blah cold blah blah blah snow blah blah blah blah cold blah blah blah King blah blah blah blah blah women blah blah blah blah blah water blah blah high standard of living blah blah blah snowshoeing blah blah ice blah blah blah blah reindeer blah blah cold blah blah blah Russians blah cold blah blah blah blah blah blah four meals a day blah blah not that cold blah blah blah blah hypothermia blah blah blah blah blah fjords.
There was a little consternation, sure. I assumed it was a given that the Norwegian teenagers would be trying to kick my now-frosted ass, but hey that'd be nothing new because that's exactly what American teenagers always tried to do to the thawed version.
And yeah, I'd be a stranger in a strange land, but how's that different from anywhere I go at any time?
No, the thing that was attractive was the four meals a day. Mind boggling. I couldn't even figure out where the fourth meal would go. As a teenager, I had the system down. I wake up, I eat. That's breakfast. I go to school, I eat lunch. I come home. I eat everything in the refrigerator (this has no name, and therefore officially, is not a meal). About 18:00 we'd eat dinner.
So what's the deal with the extra meal? After dinner? Wake up at 03:00 just to eat? Does all this make more sense if you eat reindeer sausage? Is this a lutefisk (that's cod-cured-in-lye to you people without k's & j's in your name) digestion thing? Is there a special meal just for lox and cloudberry jam?
It didn't matter what the answer was, I put on my best cable-knit sweater and told my dad I wanted to go. Unfortunately for the family (but probably to the great unknown relief of Scandinavia) my dad was never offered the job.
This set-back meant it would be years before I trampled the Norsk tundra.
This being in that primitive-shh-let's-not-talk-about-it time before the Internet, I naturally went straight for the World Book Encyclopedia to read up.
I remember the article going something like this:
Norway is blah blah blah cold blah blah blah snow blah blah blah blah cold blah blah blah King blah blah blah blah blah women blah blah blah blah blah water blah blah high standard of living blah blah blah snowshoeing blah blah ice blah blah blah blah reindeer blah blah cold blah blah blah Russians blah cold blah blah blah blah blah blah four meals a day blah blah not that cold blah blah blah blah hypothermia blah blah blah blah blah fjords.
There was a little consternation, sure. I assumed it was a given that the Norwegian teenagers would be trying to kick my now-frosted ass, but hey that'd be nothing new because that's exactly what American teenagers always tried to do to the thawed version.
And yeah, I'd be a stranger in a strange land, but how's that different from anywhere I go at any time?
No, the thing that was attractive was the four meals a day. Mind boggling. I couldn't even figure out where the fourth meal would go. As a teenager, I had the system down. I wake up, I eat. That's breakfast. I go to school, I eat lunch. I come home. I eat everything in the refrigerator (this has no name, and therefore officially, is not a meal). About 18:00 we'd eat dinner.
So what's the deal with the extra meal? After dinner? Wake up at 03:00 just to eat? Does all this make more sense if you eat reindeer sausage? Is this a lutefisk (that's cod-cured-in-lye to you people without k's & j's in your name) digestion thing? Is there a special meal just for lox and cloudberry jam?
It didn't matter what the answer was, I put on my best cable-knit sweater and told my dad I wanted to go. Unfortunately for the family (but probably to the great unknown relief of Scandinavia) my dad was never offered the job.
This set-back meant it would be years before I trampled the Norsk tundra.
posted by b1-66er at 16:24
2 Comments:
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Let me say this right now -- Moving to three meals a day is not a step in the right direction. Norway is beautiful, austere, grand and aloof for a reason.
That reason, almost certainly, is four meals a day.
I hope you understand how hugely desperate this situation is for your country, but the problem is you may not because you're so damn close to it.
Just like always in life, you need to trust the fat kid, and the fat kid is telling you here, in no uncertain terms, to eat.
You can have an effect here. I mean, look. You changed this blog -- that's pretty huge. You already represent a significant portion of your country's population -- like maybe a quarter of it or something. You can do this.
Just eat four meals. About 21:00 you should walk the length of your town and scream, "Spise du fordømme folk!"
Forget about oil running out, and the fisheries going bad, this is serious.
b1
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