October 17, 2005

open letter to mollaren and mikkel (and anyone else norwegian)

(in order for this to make any sense at all, you should first read the "open letter to mollaren" and the appended comments. it's not clear this will make sense even then, but at least it gives you a fighting chance.)

norsk folk,

there's a problem here. i could say it was due to my terrible disease, but instead i choose to blame the norwegian government.

allow me to back up. you see, i was writing a set of responses to mollaren's awesome hookie bobbing comments that i thought were hilarious, but i was worried that the humor may not carry well across international boundaries. after all, i can't tell you the name of a good norwegian comedian off the top of my head (i assume barney doesn't count) and you guys certainly aren't going to know any american comics beyond slapstick guys like jim carrey or george bush.

so i figured i'd call the norwegian tourist bureau and read them my letter before i actually posted it. that way, i would know.

now, it's true that the line to oslo was bad ... and it's true too that i got sort of nervous and talked fast ... and sure, i laughed at my own jokes along the way (someone has to) ... but i read the whole post and the end of the conversation went like this.

me: "... ha! ha! so do you think it's funny?"

some norwegian oldster: (long pause) "yes."

"do you think mollaren will think it's funny?"

(long pause) "yes."

"when i go from bergen to oslo, is it better to take the ferry or the train?"

(long pause) "yes."

so you can see now how i might have been confused. man, with a 200% tax rate, i'd think you'd have better tourism representation than that. i mean, sure, the u.s. doesn't, but then again, we don't have 100% literacy rate like you do either. know what i'm sayin'?

but we have a slogan in america, "no blood, no foul," which roughly means we get to do whatever the hell we want and not apologize for it later. (it's a good policy for us, but kind of sucks if you live somewhere in the middle east.) so in keeping with that grand tradition, i'm making a declaration:

the next seven days will officially be "norway is your pal" week in b1-66er's world. you will notice RADICAL changes to both the look and feel of the site.

in true keeping with the spirit of the festivities, i will write haiku in norwegian every day of of the week (damn, it will be nice to finally write in haiku's native tongue).

what's that, you say? i don't speak norwegian? when has a lack of understanding of a foreign culture ever stopped an american ambassador? that's right, never. (and if it doesn't work, i'll just use our country's great stand-by, "if they don't understand your english, just speak louder.")

i will also have a "norwegian trivium of the moment" every day to help honor the occasion. by the end, my visitor rates will either have dropped to zero, or my readership will have doubled their norwegian competency.

so feed your minke whales and pen up the lemmings -- this promises to be great.

[note added 18 october -- if you're part of my normal links on the side, don't panic -- you will return at the end of n.i.y.p.w.

if you want a tiny bit more background on this blog specifically, i usually feed newcomers this.]