the haiku the captain doesn't want you to see ...
as you know, captain hops over at the beer haiku daily (www.beerhaikudaily.com) had a contest for submitting haiku for his one year anniversary. i banged out 13 in the middle of a rock concert and sent 'em along. and?
i win. picked out of a keg by what is almost certainly the son of an alcoholic (OH THE IRONY). for a prize, and i swear this is true, the captain is donating us$20 in the name of the Kingdom of Finnmark (they can't do that crazy umlaut thing in their font set) to the american cancer society. (my choice. why? short version: because aids deaths are out researched spent 100-to-1 to cancer deaths, and that's just wrong.)
so cool. so great. like the captain.
the captain went on to tell me that about 60% of his contest entries came from either you folks (super thanks to you all) or knitters (indirectly my fault).
but what the captain hasn't done, the swine, is publish my haiku. well, i got news for you, cap.
1. i hold the copyright on what i wrote, you bottle licker.
2. my dad had a nasty habit of drinking and driving, as a result, we had a lawyer on retainer to deal with legal systems. this all happened at a very young and impressionable age, which is to say, i learned a lot. i've already backed down one of the world's largest publishers, let me know if and when you want me to unleash the dogs of barbarity.
3. the voices are telling me that it really really needs to be published.
so here it is, the haiku the captain doesn't want you to see:
so we're one year deep
in a vat of beer haiku
will i hit bottom?
beer is a lifestyle ...
and a literary form ...
what was i saying?
i question the rank
of the man we call "captain"
whose icon is land
with a stein in hand
the cap'n judged haikuists
but then sobered up
it has been one month
since haiku daily started
seems like a whole year
if i had a son
i'd make him like the captain
or somebody else
i've learned more of beer
from the beer haiku daily
than from skid row drunks
the ship is sinking
beer or the captain must go
how well do you swim?
choka hall of famer
but that award was before
the breathalyzer
my browser's foaming
thanks to beer haiku daily
wait, that's a porn site
beer haiku daily
needs to go more commercial
show me the cute babes
congratulations
on making it one whole year
the judge will be proud
of haiku poets
the captain is a favorite
god, please save my soul
guess we know who the rear admiral is now, don't we captain?
i win. picked out of a keg by what is almost certainly the son of an alcoholic (OH THE IRONY). for a prize, and i swear this is true, the captain is donating us$20 in the name of the Kingdom of Finnmark (they can't do that crazy umlaut thing in their font set) to the american cancer society. (my choice. why? short version: because aids deaths are out researched spent 100-to-1 to cancer deaths, and that's just wrong.)
so cool. so great. like the captain.
the captain went on to tell me that about 60% of his contest entries came from either you folks (super thanks to you all) or knitters (indirectly my fault).
but what the captain hasn't done, the swine, is publish my haiku. well, i got news for you, cap.
1. i hold the copyright on what i wrote, you bottle licker.
2. my dad had a nasty habit of drinking and driving, as a result, we had a lawyer on retainer to deal with legal systems. this all happened at a very young and impressionable age, which is to say, i learned a lot. i've already backed down one of the world's largest publishers, let me know if and when you want me to unleash the dogs of barbarity.
3. the voices are telling me that it really really needs to be published.
so here it is, the haiku the captain doesn't want you to see:
so we're one year deep
in a vat of beer haiku
will i hit bottom?
beer is a lifestyle ...
and a literary form ...
what was i saying?
i question the rank
of the man we call "captain"
whose icon is land
with a stein in hand
the cap'n judged haikuists
but then sobered up
it has been one month
since haiku daily started
seems like a whole year
if i had a son
i'd make him like the captain
or somebody else
i've learned more of beer
from the beer haiku daily
than from skid row drunks
the ship is sinking
beer or the captain must go
how well do you swim?
choka hall of famer
but that award was before
the breathalyzer
my browser's foaming
thanks to beer haiku daily
wait, that's a porn site
beer haiku daily
needs to go more commercial
show me the cute babes
congratulations
on making it one whole year
the judge will be proud
of haiku poets
the captain is a favorite
god, please save my soul
guess we know who the rear admiral is now, don't we captain?
posted by b1-66er at 15:37
2 Comments:
the captain has SO much clout. this hadn't been posted for an hour before i get this little gem in my mailbox.
***
You couldn't wait for Captain Hops to finish publishing his way through the dregs of the haiku submittals...until he *culminates* his blog contest with your work, the crowing achievement of his anniversary, submitted by the KING of Supersonic Stardom?
Geez.
I had no idea that you were so impatient. I think you need to settle down a little.
***
to which i politely replied:
go to hell.
Captain Hops responds
What happened to the haiku?
You'll have to decide.
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