Karma police, arrest this man!

Merely using this as public storage for future use ...

***

After a GOOD b-fast/conversation/DEN ride with my former LV neighbor, I get dropped at the F9 counter.  As always, no one is in the elite line, so I walk up to the counter agent after she's finished with something obviously stressful on the phone.  

"ARE YOU AN EMPLOYEE?"

"No, I'm an elite.  I just act like an employee."

I get the coldest, blankest look you can imagine... Like the look a vampire would give a person in suddenly-unexpected-dim-yet-artificial light.

I'm doing SO well, there's no reason to stop now.

"I'm on a Vegas flight later tonight, but I'm trying to get standby on the 1:30."

"WHY STANDBY?"

This is the first sign that she'll actually communicate with me.  This is the equivalent of me being on first base.

"Because when I pull up the flight on my phone it starts to melt down as it blinks SOLD OUT."

She smiles!  Or that maybe a smirk.

Lots and lots of typing.  

I know way too much about customer work interaction.  So I should use it. Now. Stand half an arm's length from the counter, don't use my phone.  Present myself as interested, but not urgent.

She's clearly 'internally harassed.' 

 "I don't know what's happening. This should let me do this."

That sentence makes no sense to me.  I don't understand it. 

But I DO understand her tone. Although frustrated, she's mildly warm toward me.

She picks up the phone like she's calling NORAD.

I'm on third.

No need to stare her down 

I wander to the next podium and read a TSA announcement talking about e-cigarettes ... You're not allowed to even charge them on a plane.  I did not know that.

She hangs up the phone, rolls her eyes and looks at me. "You shouldn't HAVE to standby. There's one seat open on this flight."

That's exactly what I want to hear and exactly how many I want.

Type type type.  

She's in a better mood.  He body posture and expression by the sides of her eyes show that.  

I know her exact attitude at the moment...

Goddammit this machine that puts people on planes with motherfuckin' snakes isn't behaving right, but I'M going to fix it.

A friendly, but concerned, aside will work here.  "Why is it so busy today?  Spring break?"

"It's always busy."

"Oh.  Do you have enough staff?  Because it can be hard hard if you don't have the help you need."

"No.  It's an ongoing problem..."

I pile in on top, over her words, "Management never understand the importance of proper staffing. It's hard on the psyche of employees and ultimately cuts at the very thing they're trying to protect...the bottom line."

She looks up and smiles hard enough to crack the lipstick on her extremely-well-shaded bottom lip.

"THAT'S RIGHT!"

To her, I've now changed. I'm no longer a customer. I'm a preacher to the already converted.

Time to ice the cake...

"I love Frontier. Lots of people like to bitch about it, but this flight of mine is $24. $24!  I tell my friends, they don't believe me.

"I grew up here.  I think of myself as a Coloradan (even though I was born in Wyoming). I live in Las Vegas now.

"My mom's 86.  Because your flights are so cheap, I visit her once a month.  It's a big big deal for my extremely small family.

"So I bought this ticket ages ago, during some sale...

"But, I have MS and my drug company is having a special meeting.  In Vegas!  At one of my favorite restaurants!  First time ever!  And I wanna be there. 

"And you're the woman that's going to make that happen.  THAT is a big deal."

She BEAMS and hands me a boarding pass.

"I'm sorry. This is back of the plane."

"Donna, let me ask you a question, which is worse: back of the plane seat, or no seat?"

"Well, when you look at it THAT way..."

"To my mind, there's only two ways here: you're either 'in' or you're 'out.'...I don't see bitch on my list of possible behaviors."

She LAUGHS wholeheartedly, from the stomach.

Don't stop me, Donna. I'm on a roll.

"I am the luckiest man in the world.  I honestly believe that. My next-door neighbor said he thought I wouldn't get a ticket. I told him I would because there'd be someone just like you, right here at this counter, that could pull it off.  And I was right!  Again!"

"You need to write a letter to the president and tell him I need more help!"  She says that because she thinks I'm nutball enough to do it.

"I WILL!"  I say that because I will.

I rap the back of her hand with a flick of my boarding pass.

"Donna, one of the ways I'm lucky is I'm surrounded by people that are nice, competent and caring.  And, today <tap tap tap> YOU are my favorite."