perfect cranberry sauce

For some reason, I've never posted this to the Archipelago (or at least, I'm not capable of finding it). 

Astoundingly,  I consider this recipe to be better that the World's Best Macaroni and Cheese

ingredients:

12 oz bag of cranberries (preferably fresh, frozen is "okay")

1 lime

1 cup sugar

1. set half a cup of cranberries aside, put the rest in a saucepan.

2. zest a lime.  use that cheese grater-like thing.  only use the color, do not get any of the white lower peel (too damn bitter).  zest the whole fruit into the saucepan.  it will seem like you have hardly anything.  don't fret, you actually do.  lime is the super-key secret ingredient.  everyone uses orange, which is all well and good, but you're looking for surprise.  you're looking for vulgarity, blasphemy and profanity as people eat the sauce.  lime is what you want.  lime will make you the T-day hero.  

i promise.

3. put the zest and 1c sugar in the saucepan.

4. heat the saucepan on low.  stir often.  what you're looking for here is the sugar to melt.  it'll take awhile.  maybe 10 minutes, maybe more.

5. once all the sugar has melted, increase the heat to medium.  stir often.  keep going until the cranberries burst.  they'll essentially loose all their form and the whole thing will become a goo.  this'll take awhile.  stick with it.  you'll know when it's starting to happen.  the mixture becomes this cool radioactive red.

6. once all cranberries have burst, reduce the heat again to low.  cut the zested lime. squeeze the entirety of the lime into the sauce.  careful when tasting.  you've just made cranberry lava, it's super hot. {the only thing that screams "bad event" louder than not being able to taste the food is a trip to the emergency room for second degree burns to your tongue. on a holiday.}

7. stir in the reserved cranberries (from 1).  (you can add sugar, salt and pepper to taste here, but i do nothing. ever. )

8. cool to room temperature.  

congratulations, you're now a god in the kitchen.  no one knows it yet, but you're only one bite away from them finding out.  make sure to look at the expressions on people's faces as they eat the first taste.