April 08, 2010

only the insane double down on 12

(note: to fully understand the build-up to this point, you should read about the KFC double down [DD] in my travel 'blog.  karpov's DD post there is worthy as footnote reading.)

in a nearly unimaginable turn of circumstance, the KFC double down is being released to the US public as a whole, this monday, april 12.  bucking the fast food trend of let's-eat-salad-and-yogurt-and-call-it-"food," KFC (the company that officially changed its name from "kentucky fried chicken" to the initials  "KFC" claiming that it would sound more "healthy" to not have "fried" in the name -- but actually to dodge having to pay licensing rights to state of KY) have thrown the gauntlet into the incinerator with the sandwich that uses, that's right, two pieces of fried chicken instead of bread to house bacon and cheese.

a couple of the (f)red dinner regulars -- mostly likely the instigator and mr. milk run -- are going to join me on the first day it's available in CA.  following is an email thread leading up to next week's event {my editorial comments in braces}


i'm *definitely* having a DD on 4/12.  mr. milk run and i will figure out details for the DD foray next week and we'll forward timings/location to the list for to anyone else.

the DD experience won't be a monday night dinner replacement, it'll just be extra credit in the grade book of life.



On Mon, 5 Apr 2010 10:07, the instigator wrote:

{...dumb stuff deleted ...}

As for the next dinner, I'm sorry to say that I foolishly forwarded b1 this article:


which, if you were playing along at home, you may remember from b1's Jet Blue all-you-can-jet travelogue blog from last fall:


I can't decide if the official photo on consumerist.com is more or less disgusting than b1's pictures, to be honest.  In any case, he's now on a crusade to share the KFC Double Down with all of us, and is proposing that we move the next Monday night dinner on 4/12 (the first day of the DD nationwide rollout) to KFC.

I think I'm busy that day.  {which is a lie.  he's like that.}

the instigator


BTW, I don't believe the nutrition info in that article is anywhere close to accurate. Maybe it's per serving, and the thing is 3 or 4 servings.

 - Special K


{i jump back in}

you know how the google cafeteria uses colored food tags for their dishes?  green for healthy, yellow for not-so-much and red for bad?  if they served the KFC DD there, a dish that is so far out, they'd have to use a new tag color.  some possibilities:

* infrared for "beyond unhealthy"

* black for "you're just dead, right here, right now"

* ultraviolet.  my personal favorite.  so bad that it wraps around the visual spectrum and starts coming in the other side.  so bad that when you stand in front of the sign, anything that's white on your body glows.  so bad that *just the sign* might give you a form of cancer.

to this thinking, the other, obvious, tag "color" would be X-ray.

hey mr. box cutter, i know you and i know your spare tire ...

... you would LOVE the double down,


the box cutter wrote:

There is no way in hell I will be anywhere near KFC on 04/12.

However if the Google cafe decides to create an organic free-range  homage to the DD I will be sure to invite you all over for lunch.


{and then the box cutter added to me privately:}

True story:  A five year old poked me in the gut on Sat. and asked "what's this???"


{my response to the box cutter}

that is too funny.  i can only think of two responses.

* "it is your impending doom."  pause.  then smack the kid upside the head.

* "has your mom told you where babies come from?  well, i'm eating for 2 now."


{right about here in where the person who shall never be mentioned jumps in}

This is one of those food experiences one needs to embrace fully... to eat around, as it were. Avoid that calorie-laden kashi and luxuriate instead in the rich KFC DD for just one day. I can t wait (and am already cutting back on my ice cream. A little).

I figure it s actually around 750 calories? 300+ cals per piece of chicken, 100+ for cheese ...


{special K, back, and late, to the conversation}

Any idea what flavor the sauce is? I might ask them to leave it off. I'm a sauce hater.


{i can't let a comment like that sit, of course}

oh god, you can't do that ... it's the best part ... it tastes a
little like raising cane's dipping sauce, but more addictive ... i
think, technically it's known as "umami methadone" flavor ... TASTY
... you'd HAVE to get some on the side ... but if you do you'll end up
eating the cup it comes in.


{the box cutter returns}

I just found this, a perfect synthesis of the email discussion of the KFC Double Down and the dinner discussion of b1's decision to become a homeowner in sunny Las Vegas.

   For those of you who reject the "America is the Roman Empire"
   hypothesis, we have six words for you to chew on, along with
   your BK Crown-shaped Chicken Tenders:
      "Luxury Home Foreclosure Private Jet Tour."



{planning moves forward -- my letter to a subset of the (f)red dinner list}

... KFC has posted the "countdown to double down" on their website (kfc.com), including the DD commercial (note the 2009 © on it).

unless mr. milk run says otherwise, we'll be having our KFC expedition next monday at 2609 E Charleston Rd in mountain view @ 19:30.

i went in there today, it's a nice, new, quirky one on the edge of industrial MV and *perfect* for the DD experience.  i spoke the manager, from their side it's all systems go for the DD on monday.

milky, please call or write back to let me know that this plan works for you.

i'll post a confirmation to the entire (f)red dinner list on monday.


{from mr. milk run}

Hey b1,

This is in my calendar and I am ready to go.
Thank you for you diligence and planning.
I am ready for my life to change :P

Mr. Milk Run


{then mr. milk run returns}

DOH - I was working on my calendar and realized that my son has a baseball game on Monday. Let me make sure that my wife can pick him up from the game.


{i show i'm always willing to help with the following to mr. milk run.}


i consider you to be a key element in this affair, since you were THE
person who showed outward enthusiasm toward the idea (that'll teach
you).  i WILL eat a DD on monday for "dinner," oh yes, but will bend
the schedule to fit yours.

i just called that store and they're open 'til 22:00 on monday, so
either later or earlier are possible (the worst thing about earlier is
traffic is bad and carpool lanes are closed).

here are some other suggestions:

* put your son up for adoption for a day and then change your mind.
the legal process is so long and involved that all the papers won't
even go through and he won't *actually* end up at someone's place
(like fat paulie's, for example).  your wife won't understand while it's all
happening but she'll be estatic once you're "better."

* tell your son "i just read an article about
__his_favorite_baseball_player__ and he said that he took one day off
from baseball when the was __your_son's_age__ and he believes it's
what made him a winning player.  he said, 'if i hadn't done that, i'm
sure i'd be working at KFC today.'"  (the beauty of this one is it
helps you keep your eyes on the prize.)

* tell your wife that you have to work late.  afterward go home, break
down in tears, and admit it was a cheap and tawdry affair of the
stomach.  show her the wrapper.  tell her you're willing to try
therapy or a gym membership.  say it'll never happen again.  uncross
your fingers.

notice NONE of my ideas suggest feeding one to your son.  i actually
don't buy into the modern concept that children are fragile and unable
to know or make their own moral standards.  but, having grown up in
the household of a binge alcoholic, i can say -for certain- that there
are some things that a child simply should not have to endure or
experience ... having a DD before, say, ever being pulled over by the
cops would be on that list.

thanks for your response.

let me know,


{mr. milk run returns}

We share a similar shade of dark in our senses of humor.

My son just started to eat chicken, but a double down would
not be appealing.

If we can move Dinner to 8pm, I should be fine and if not,
he can ride his bike home or get a ride from a friend or,
science forbid, his Mother.


{my response}

20:00 it is.  i'll send the announcement next week.  thanks for looking at this ahead of time and not doing the modern fad of suddenly realizing and whining at the last minute.


You're welcome. I'm excited for this.
-- Mr. Milk Run


{my pat on the back to milky}

the thing i admire ever-more about you is your sense of personal honesty.


{solid goldstein shows his approval of the DD}

My arteries are hardening at the thought....


{special K suddenly re-appears -- as i'm working on this post}

Good choice for a bizarre KFC. I've eaten there a few times. Note that it's aKFC/Long John Silver hybrid, so you have fried shrimp with your Double Down.


{my surprise ending}

you spoiler!

i had intentionally not mentioned anything about it being a two-front because i was going to go and order a double down and a sandwich that was exactly the same as a DD, except with two fish filets ... since i have to use a black jack analogy i guess i'd call it a "two-deck shoe."


{special K caps the conversation}

NOW it's getting interesting.


expect a full report on here next week.