re-written haiku

one of the nice things about this blog is i'm having a lot of haiku exchanges with people these days ...

a very sleepy friend sent me this this morning immediately before bed:


The swirling night fog
Glows brightly then fades away ...
Then the moon pours clear


there's some imagery i like here, especially the night fog and the concept of the moon pouring -- i re-wrote it:


swirling fog of night
haunts strongly then loses hold
leaving pouring moon